Advice about my father…?
I am 25 years old. I have not spoken to my father since I found out I was pregnant(I am 36 weeks. My entire life he has been nothing but a burden. He is an alcoholic and a meth addict. I decided to completely cut ties with him when he got out of hand at the news of my pregnancy.
I thought I we could just be adults about this and he would understand why I wasn’t talking to him. But at christmas I found out that he had gone around to the family and told them lies about why I wasn’t talking to him. They started coming up to me and making me feel horrible about not having a relationship with him. They know he is an alcoholic but they do not know he is a meth addict. I feel it would be petty to tell the family about his drug addiction, but now I have pressure being put on me because they don’t understand the real situation.Any advice on what to do would be great.
(and by the way calling the cops on him because he is a meth addict would not work, I live in a town where it is very common)
The lies he told my family were that it was my fiance that was keeping me from him. And now the family has ill feelings towards my fiance.
I’m sorry I phrased it wrong. I just happened to stop talking to my dad around the time of my pregnancy. He had a meth come down and flipped out on me and left quite a few nasty messages on my phone telling me if I ever came near him again he was going to call the cops on me.(His mind does not think right)
I may be misunderstanding but it sounds like you stopped talking to him because he was upset about your pregnancy, I would tell your family that.
Hopefully your family has a mind of their own and they’ll be able to see for themselves if your fiance is a good guy or not.
Tell your family the truth about why you stopped talking to him. He was petty for telling lies in the first place. You need to do what’s right for both you and your baby. As both a drunk and a meth addict your Dad could be too unstable and may react blindly and hurt either of you. Not worth the risk, even for a father.
You should tell your dad the truth why you don’t want to see him. Tell him to stop accusing your fiance that it’s not him stoping you. Tell him if he spreads any more lies, you will tell the family the truth about his addiction to meth. Tell him you don’t want your child or you to be around a drunk and dope addict.
Hon, i know what it’s like having to live with and put up with an alcoholic and also drug addict. Their addictions affect everyone around them, and you are protecting yourself EMOTIONALLY from it all.
You don’t have to tolerate or enable an addict/alcoholic. they practice skewed thinking and at best, their lives are a big, fat mess.
Take care of YOU… i am sure your father’s alcoholism has affected you deeply… there is help too — try Alanon. it’s a great support group for those of us whose lives have been affected by an alcoholic. And you will be surprised to hear how many others have the same behaviors as your father.
If your extended family believes your father’s lies and stories, maybe they have issues too? it’s hard to tell.
Do what is best for you. Avoiding your father is probably one of the best until he sobers up.
I’m wondering why on earth your family is listening to him and not to you. I would think that past experience with an alcoholic, etc would have made them leary of anything he said. If I were you, I would concentrate on your new family. It sound like it would be in your best interest to not be involved with anyone who would believe him. You should not feel horrible even if you cut ties with him even over the alcohol. You don’t want someone like that around your new baby. Tell him to go get treatment and then you’ll talk. Check into AL-Anon for more help in understanding what you have been going through.
explain your side of the story and let it go .chances are they all ready know about the meth.go on with your life hes not fully in touch with reality anyway.
Well I know you are hurt by your father. You should go to him and ask him why he is telling your family lies.You also should ask him how he would feel if you did that to him.If he don’t fix it then you should tell your family about the drugs he is on.
If he left messages on you cell, you should have kept them.
Yes, you need to tell these other family members about your dad’s other addictions and assure them that his version of things is all wrong. You are not defending anything, just stating the truth.
Do not let them make you feel guilty for standing your ground.
Tell them that you don’t want him near you again after he flipped out, and you don’t want to get any more harassment from him. You do not have to take that from anyone.
If you have to, send them all an e-mail to that effect… neutrally worded, or course.
He is only your biological father. If I were you I will find a good man be my hubby who would understand and protect me. Specially the baby needs a good father and a shelter. His problem will not be resolve in no time. Let him be. You have to love yourself and your baby first. Fear is not a solution and gossips shouldn’t bother you. You should give all your love to your baby. Think harder and further into your future. Your baby is key factor in your future.
It is hard but telling the truth is the way.. tell your family the truth.. the rest is up to them wether to believe it or not.. discus this things with you fiance and proof to them (your family) that your fiance is a good person that will take good care of you and your kids..